Cut! The StarCraft Outtakes
by Hyperactive Hamster Of Doom
Summary: Hi, guys! For your viewing pleasure, I've brought you some previously unseen footage from StarCraft! Outtakes, bloopers, behind the scenes and more! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll kiss 10 bucks goodbye, and hopefully even read and review (hint hint!)


Cut! – The StarCraft Outtakes

By The Hyperactive Hamster Of Doom 

Disclaimer: I don't own StarCraft, blah blah blah, Blizzard owns everything, yada yada yada, more legal junk, and so on. You get the idea, right? To paraphrase Manuel from Fawlty Towers: I own _nothing_. Not even Beavis and Butthead. This is just my idea of what any StarCraft outtakes might have looked like. Enjoy, and don't forget to READ AND REVIEW! Flames welcome – yes, you heard right, _welcome_. Criticism stopped bothering me a long time ago. So don't bother being tactful, okay? Tell me what you really think….

[With apologies to Beavis and Butthead. Hur hur hur hur…]

INTRO:

**Take 1:**

[Lots of static. The video goes on, and we see a Terran guy smoking a cigarette. He looks surprised.]

Terran Guy: Oh, have we already started? Sorry, I wasn't ready. Sorry. Can we do this bit again?

**Take 2:**

[The two space modules are in the launch area, waiting for the space doors to open.]

Terran Guy [on the radio]: You girls all strapped in nice and tight?

1st Terran Module: Tighter than your mama's ass.

[The two guys in the modules stare at the space doors.]

1st Terran Module: Hey, man, what's up with the doors? Script says they should've opened by now.

**Take 3:**

[The two guys in the module are still waiting.]

**Take 4:**

[They're still waiting.]

2nd Terran Module: Aww, come on, guys! We've been waiting here for twenty minutes!

**Take 5:**

[The doors open, but get stuck halfway.]

1st Terran Module: I don't _believe_ this …

**Take 6:**

[The space modules finally manage to get outside, but then one of them stops working. They sit in silence for a minute.]

2nd Terran Module: Hey, you think I should get out and push?

[The guy in the other module bursts out laughing.]

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**Take 7:**

2nd Terran Module: How we gonna get all this home?

Terran Guy: With difficulty.

[Both the guys in the modules laugh.]

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**Take 8:**

[The alien spacecraft is right overhead, and the 2nd Terran Module guy is jabbering away in Spanish, sounding panicky.]

2nd Terran Module: Hey? You listening to me?

[Pause.]

1st Terran Module: No.

[Laughter.]

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**Take 9:**

[The alien spacecraft fires at the Terran ship, and we see the Terran Guy looking scared for a split second, just before his head explodes. Silence.]

Special Effects Guy [O/S]: Was that gory enough? Or shall I add more blood?

[A thoughtful pause.]

Director [O/S]: Nah. It looks fine.

[The Terran Guy (plus head!) pops up from underneath the console.]

Terran Guy: Yeah. You sure make great exploding dummy heads, Kyle.

Special Effects Guy [O/S]: Thanks, dude.

  


TERRAN CAMPAIGN:

[**First Cinematic: Wasteland Patrol]**

**Take 1:**

[The Jeep rolls into view. We hear bad country & western music for a moment, then static; suddenly there is a loud radio-station announcement:]

Radio DJ: Hi, and welcome to K-R-U-D Radio - all cruddy phone-ins, all the time! I'm your host, Becky Jaded! Today we'll be discussing –

[More static, then extremely loud heavy metal.]

Radio DJ [shouting over the music]: Hey, punks! You're listening to Death Metal FM, the station that made Def Leppard deaf! Up next: Lone Star State, with their new hit single, "We're All Doomed!"

Director [O/S]: No! I said Confederate Country and Western!

Sergeant [leaning out of the jeep window]: Sorry! Must've switched the radio to short wave by mistake! Can we try again?

**Take 2:**

[Inside the Jeep. The Terran Private says to the Sergeant:]

Private: Hey, sarge! Why've we gotta listen to this ---- for, anyway?

[He pauses, then turns to the Sergeant.]

Private: Y'know, I really think we should cut out all them cuss-words in the script. I mean, shouldn't we be worried 'bout the kids in the audience?

Sergeant: You think this is bad, you wait till you see all the gore and gratuitous violence. Check out page 25.

Private [checking script]: Holy cow!

Sergeant: And page 32.

Private: Oh, my god…

Sergeant: And page 55.

Private: Eeeew …

Sergeant: _And_ page 72.

Private: Good grief!

Sergeant: And pretty much every other page.

Private: Dang! Well, so much for the PG rating …

**Take 3:**

[The Jeep hits the Zergling in the road, but the Jeep doesn't stop – it ploughs on forwards into the shot.]

Private: Stop! Stop! STOP!

[The Jeep hits one of the cameras, knocking it right over. Yells of camera crew can be heard. We see some feet walking past the camera.]

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**Take 4:**

[After the Private and Sergeant have got out of the cab and checked on the Zergling, they turn round and see some slavering, deadly Hydralisks. One of them opens its mouth, but instead of roaring, the Hydralisk says:]

Hydralisk: So - what? That's it? Just "Grrr!" But I _always_ say "Grrr!" I'm fed up of being typecast like this! Can't you guys do a rewrite or something?

Director [O/S]: No!

Hydralisk: Fine. "Grrr!" If that makes you any happier.

**Take 5:**

[The two Terrans turn round and see the Hydralisks, looking very threatening and scary. One of them growls ominously. Suddenly, a buzzer sounds. One of the Hydralisks looks up, and shouts:]

Hydralisk: Union break!

[The Hydralisks wander off the set; one of them is in a patently fake Hydralisk suit, and pulls off its head as it leaves the set to reveal a sweating Terran actor.]

Actor [walking O/S]: Man, I hate these costumes …

**[Second Cinematic: The Downing Of Norad II]**

**Take 1:**

[The ship flies into the shot, wobbling, and then it stops.]

Special Effects Guy: Whoops. Sorry! We kinda messed that one up, huh?

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**Take 2:**

[The Zerg Scourges launch themselves at the ship. One of them misses, and gets stuck to the camera like a suction-cup, covering the whole of the lens.]

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**[Third Cinematic: Open Rebellion]**

**Take 1:**

[The Terran Wraiths zoom towards the camera, then past. We see a side-view of one of the Wraiths, and painted on the side instead of the Sons of Korhal emblem is the message: "This Space For Rent".]

**Take 2:**

[The Confederate satellite comes into view, and bounces off the camera.]

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**Take 3: **

[The Wraiths fire at the Confederate satellite, but each shot misses completely.]

Wraith: Oh, hell, not again! That's the fifth time this week! I really need to work on my aim …

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**[Fourth Cinematic: The Inauguration]**

**Take 1: **

[The news anchor logo comes up: CNN]

Director [O/S]: No, I said _UNN_, as in Universe News Network! _Not_ CNN! Cut!

**Take 2:**

[Voice of Arcturus Mengsk is halfway through the speech.]

Voice of A.M.: … the Confederacy is no more. Whatever semblance of unity it once provided – hey, how much longer does this speech go on for? Come on, guys, I'm missing my lunch-break for this voiceover! I hope you're paying me overtime …

**Take 3:**

[Space debris floats past; one of the bits is an arm. Instead of the cigarette, it holds a placard saying "Ban Nuclear Testing Now!"]

**Take 4:**

[Now the placard reads: "Vote Confederate!"]

**Take 5:**

[Now it reads: "More Pay For Starcraft Actors!"]

**Take 6:**

[Arcturus Mengsk is still talking.]

Voice of A.M.: … and we shall win through, no matter the cost. [Pause.] Finally! I'm done! _Now_ can I go to lunch? Thank you.****

ZERG CAMPAIGN:

**[First Cinematic: The Dream]**

**Take 1:**

Swirling images of Zerg, fiery planets, and so on. Then a sudden picture of Playboy Bunny Girls having a pillow fight appears.

Director [O/S]: Hey! That wasn't in the script!

**Take 2:**

Instead of the Bunny Girls, there's a picture of Pamela Anderson in _Baywatch_.]

Director [O/S]: And neither was that! 

**Take 3:**

[Osama bin Laden appears.]

Director [O/S]: Or that!

**Take 4:**

[Now there's a still from _Beavis and Butthead_.]

Director [O/S]: Great, now MTV are going to sue us…

**[Second Cinematic: Battle On The Amerigo]**

**Take 1: **

[The nuclear device case opens dramatically to reveal … a pair of dirty, disgusting socks. Laughter. Offscreen, someone yells:

Actor [O/S]: Has anyone seen my socks?

[More laughter, then we see the actor's hands pulling the socks out of the case.]

Actor: Ha ha, very funny.

**Take 2:**

[One by one, the Marines flip their visors back; one of them is wearing a "Scream" mask, and the others laugh as they see it.]

Marine: Nice one, Bob!

**Take 3:**

[After their colleague has been killed and dragged up into the rafters, _Alien_ style, the Marines look nervously around. As one of them looks up, Infested Kerrigan suddenly leans down in front of him.]

Infested Kerrigan: BOO!

[The Marines all scream, and run away; Infested Kerrigan bursts out laughing.]

**[Third Cinematic: The Warp]**

**Take 1:**

[The whole Zerg swarm is about to make the jump through space-time.]

Zerg Overlord: Space. The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the Zerg Swarm. To devour strange new worlds. To snuff out new life and new civilisations. To boringly go where no Zerg has gone before!

[The Zerg all turn round to face the Overlord, puzzled, then they all start to laugh.]

**Take 2:**

[The Zerg swarm is ready to make the jump through space-time, and the giant wormhole opens.]

Zerg Scourge: Is it me, or does this remind everyone of Deep Space Nine?

**Take 3:**

[As the wormhole opens and the swarm begins moving towards it, all the Zerg start singing, "Here we go, here we go, here we go…" Laughter.]

**[Fourth Cinematic: The Invasion Of Aiur]**

**Take 1:**

[A Guardian flies slowly overhead as a Protoss watches. Dramatic music.]

Protoss: So _that's_ why I don't have any reception on my cellphone.

**Take 2:**

[Mutalisks fly overhead, very slowly. They don't look terribly sinister – in fact, they look like flying Pop Tarts. A Protoss watches, with a look of bitterness and anger on his face.]

Protoss: Great. Our Homeworld is being invaded by creatures that look like flying Pop Tarts.

[He turns to camera and starts shouting and waving his fist.]

Protoss: Can't you do any better than that in the Special Effects department? I mean, come on, if you're going to have our Homeworld invaded by Zerg, then you could at least make them look like proper evil space invaders, instead of breakfast pastries! What's next, six-legged croissants? Bite-sized Shredded Wheat pieces with teeth? Oh, _yeah_, great, while we're at it, let's rename the whole Zerg race The Breakfast That Bites Back!

Director [O/S]: Cut!

Protoss: And another thing! How come my paycheck stinks? You even pay the Zerg Larvae better than me! 

Director [O/S]: Cut!

Protoss: I TURNED DOWN A PART IN THE NEW STAR WARS MOVIE FOR THIS, AND YOU LOUSY STINKING BUNCH OF ----ING DEADBEATS DON'T EVEN PAY ME A DECENT SALARY?! YOU _SUCK_!

Director [O/S]: I said cut! Cut!

**  
**

**Take 3:**

[Zerglings running through the burning ruins of Aiur. Suddenly one of them stops, and goes over to speak to the camera.]

Zergling: Uh, Mr Director? What's my motivation for this scene? 

[The Zergling listens to the director talking offscreen.] 

Zergling: Merciless, bloodthirsty killing machine that doesn't even stop to chew, rampaging through the burning ruins of a Protoss city? Right. Gotcha.

[It runs off.]

PROTOSS CAMPAIGN

**[First Cinematic: The Fall Of Fenix]**

**Take 1:**

[Dust storms, burning heat, the whole bleak desert thing. Pull back to see Fenix, staring moodily out of the window. He turns round, and starts walking down the corridor. Behind him, a small drop of slime falls onto the flagstones in a very portentous way. Then, suddenly, a Hydralisk loses its balance and falls into the shot.]

Hydralisk: Waaaah!

[Hydralisk lands on the floor with a crash.]

Hydralisk: Ow, that really hurt. Can we try that again?

[Fenix bursts out laughing.]

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**Take 2:**

[Same burning desert scene, Fenix looking out of the window. He turns round, and starts walking – then trips over.]

Fenix: Whoops. Sorry, guys!

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**  
**

**Take 3:**

[Fenix walks along – hears the Hydralisk behind him, turns round, and switches on his psi blades. One goes on, but the other doesn't. He tries to switch on the other one a couple of times, then calls:]

Fenix: Hey, this one doesn't work! Can someone get the Props guy over here?

**Take 4:**

[This time Fenix switches on his psi blades – same again, except it's the other one that doesn't work this time.]

Fenix: Not again …

**Take 5:**

[This time, neither of the psi blades works.]

Fenix: Houston, we have a problem …

**Take 6:**

[The psi blades still don't work. Fenix taps one a couple of times, then hits it against the wall, but to no avail. He looks annoyed.]

Fenix: Oh, for the love of Pete, who made these things?

[The Hydralisk looks peeved.]

Hydralisk: Not _again_! That's the third time! I just cannot work like this! If anyone wants me, I'll be in my trailer…

[Hydralisk storms off in a huff.]

**[Second Cinematic: The Ambush]**

**Take 1:**

[Terran lookout guy stares out over the hills, and notices something. But instead of reaching for his binoculars, he waves to someone in the distance.]

Lookout: Hi, Mom!

[Laughter from below.]

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**Take 2:**

[Lookout guy sees the Protoss Dragoon through his binoculars – it is damaged, spilling blue fluid everywhere.]

Dragoon [under breath]: I _knew_ I should have phoned the AA…

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**Take 3:**

[Lookout guy, after noticing something in the distance, reaches for his binoculars and stares for a moment.]

Lookout: Hey, I can see my house from up here!

**Take 4:**

[Just after the Dragoon blows up, the Terran lookout guy does his victory dance up on the lookout post. Suddenly he falls over the edge, and lands on the sergeant.]

Sergeant [muffled]: Ow! Get off, you little ----

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**Take 5:**

[After both lookout and sergeant have been blown up, the Dragoons start warping in; one of them warps right into a tree and knocks itself out.]

Director [O/S]: Cut!

**[Third Cinematic: Return To Aiur]**

**Take 1: **

[As the ships materialise, we notice that one of them has a neon "Eat At Joe's" sign stuck on the side.]

**Take 2:**

[One of the materialising ships crashes into another one, and we hear someone make an "explosion" noise. Laughter. Zoom out to reveal that the whole scene is just a model, and that some of the Terran and Protoss actors are playing with the model ships.]

Director [O/S]: I thought I told you to stop messing around with those things!

Terran Marine: Sorry.

Protoss Zealot: Hey, what happens if I do this –?

[One of the little ships falls out of shot.]

Zealot: Whoops. Sorry.

[Director goes ballistic.]

Director [O/S]: Aaaaaargh! You broke it! Do you have any idea how much those things cost? That one cost two hundred thousand dollars to make! That's coming straight out of your paycheck!

Zealot: But I don't have a paycheck. You don't pay me anything, remember? Which reminds me, my agent said that if you don't pay me by next week, you're in breach of contract and -

Director [O/S]: Just get away from there! RIGHT NOW!

Zealot: Okay, okay, I'm _going_ … sheesh …

[Everyone edges away from the model, looking sulky.]

**[Fourth Cinematic: Death of the Overmind]**

**Take 1:**

[Tassadar sits in the _Gantrithor_, reading the script. He frowns.]

Tassadar: You mean I _die_ in this? Hey! No-one said I was going to die at the end! I'm calling my agent!

**Take 2:**

[Tassadar has just finished the "death" scene.]

Director [O/S]: And it's a wrap for this scene! Wonderful, Tassadar! That was wonderful! Okay, guys, we're breaking for lunch now. See you in an hour.

[Actors start drifting off. Tassadar yawns, stretches, and walks offstage and through the studio to his dressing room. He is instantly surrounded by hundreds of adoring Protoss groupies, who go crazy at the sight of him.]

Fan 1: Oh my god, it's _Tassadar_!

Fan 2: He's even cuter than in the posters!

Fan 3: Tassadar, will you sign my autograph book?

Fan 4: Marry me, Tassadar!

[They start throwing themselves at him, and Tassadar disappears under a sea of groupies.]

Tassadar: Hey! Help! Someone help me! Get them off me! Aaargh!

[He manages to resurface long enough to shout:]

Tassadar: Hey, girls! I just saw Fenix go that way!

Fan 1: Hey, maybe he'll sign my underwear!

[They all squeal, and run away, leaving Tassadar sitting on the floor in his boxer shorts. Zeratul, passing by, sees him and raises his eyebrows.]

Tassadar: Don't ask. Just don't. Damn groupies! Can I borrow a set of your robes?

Zeratul: Sure. Say, how come you get a bigger dressing room than me, anyway?

Tassadar: No idea. I'd complain to the union if I were you.

[They walk off.]

IN-GAME MISSION BLOOPERS

TERRAN CAMPAIGN: MISSION 2 (BACKWATER STATION)

[Raynor's Vulture approaches the Zerg Creep.]

Raynor: What the hell is that? Looks like the ground here is… uh…what's my line again?

[A Marine next to him hisses:]

Marine: Looks like the ground here is _alive_ …

Raynor: Right. Okay. Sorry. Let's try that again …

TERRAN CAMPAIGN: MISSION 2 (BACKWATER STATION)

**Take 1:**

[The Infested Command Centre explodes. General Duke appears on the Unit screen]

Duke: Marshall Raynor, by destroyin' a vital Confederate installation –

Raynor: Hey, my name's Jim, not Marshall!

Duke: Marshall's your _title_, doofus.

Raynor: Ohh, right. Sorry.

**Take 2:**

Duke: Marshall Raynor, by destroyin' a vital Confederate installation, you and your men have violated standin' colonial law. As of raht now y'all unner arrest – 

[Duke stops, switches to English accent] 

Duke: Oh, you know, I just can't _possibly_ do this _absurd_ accent any more. It's ridiculous! I mean, why can't you hire a linguistic coach for me or something? It's not my fault you people couldn't find another Confederate actor in time! You know what your problem is, don't you? You're too cheap. You won't even pay me overtime! I could have been big, you know! I could have been a star! They offered me a major role in _Titanic_, dammit! And now I'm doing voiceovers for a computer game, which is _not_ my idea of a rewarding dramatic role! [Sighs.] Okay, we'll do this one more time. Then I'm off to lunch.

TERRAN CAMPAIGN: MISSION 5 (REVOLUTION) 

**Take 1:**

[Raynor and the Marines approach Lt Kerrigan.]

Kerrigan: Captain Raynor, I've finished scouting out the area and – you pig!

Raynor: What? I -

Kerrigan: Yeah, but you were thinking it. Oh, wait, is that too soon? Sorry. My bad.

**Take 2:**

Kerrigan: Captain Raynor, I've finished scouting out the area and – you pig!

Raynor: What? I haven't even said anything to you yet!

Kerrigan: Yeah, but you were thinking it.

[Long, awkward pause. One of the Marines coughs.]

Raynor: Hey, was that my line? Sorry, guys. This telepath gag is confusing me.

**Take 3:**

Kerrigan: Captain Raynor, I've finished scouting out the area and – you pig!

Raynor: What? I haven't even said anything to you yet!

Kerrigan: Yeah, but you were thinking it.

Raynor: Oh, yeah, I'm a telepath - I mean you're a telepath. Hang on; which one of us is the telepath again?

[Kerrigan sighs, and rolls her eyes.]

Kerrigan: Oh, brother.

Raynor: What, I'm your brother too? This plot is weird …

[Kerrigan slaps a hand over her eyes.]

Kerrigan: I think I need a break …

**Take 4:**

Kerrigan: Captain Raynor, I've finished scouting out the area and – you pig!

Raynor: What? I haven't even said anything to you yet!

Kerrigan: Yeah, but you were thinking it.

Raynor: Oh, yeah, you're a telepath. Look, let's just get this over with, okay?

Kerrigan: Right.

[Two of the Marines start sniggering.]

Marines: Hur hur hur hur …

Kerrigan [enraged]: Oh, for goodness' sake! First time we actually manage to get this scene right, and then Beavis and Butthead here spoil everything! Do we have to do this scene again? Tell me we don't have to do this scene again …

**Take 5:**

Kerrigan: Captain Raynor, I've finished scouting out the area and – you pig!

Raynor: What? I haven't even said anything to you yet!

Kerrigan: Yeah, but you were thinking it.

[The Marines start sniggering again.]

Marines: Hur, hur … she said, "butt".

Kerrigan: _Shut up! Just shut up!_

**  
**

**Take 6:**

Kerrigan [sounding bored]: Captain Raynor, I've finished scouting out the area and, you pig …

**Take 7:**

Kerrigan: CaptainRaynorI'veFinishedScoutingOutTheAreaAnd,YouPig!

Raynor: How come you're talking so fast?

Kerrigan: I want to get through this scene before something else goes wrong.

Raynor: You mean like this?

[Kerrigan stares at him for a moment, then bursts into tears.]

**Take 8:**

[Kerrigan is sobbing uncontrollably.]

Kerrigan [sobbing]: Don't make me do this scene again! PLEASE!!

**Take 9:**

[They've just finished the scene. Kerrigan is happy.]

Kerrigan: Yes! Finally!

Assistant Director [O/S]: Great take! Now let's try it from a different angle!

[Kerrigan gives a scream of rage, takes out her C-10 canister rifle and shoots the Assistant Director. We hear a moan of agony, and a thud as his body hits the floor. She realises that everyone else is staring at her.]

Kerrigan: What?

Director [hurriedly, O/S]: Okay, that take is just fine. Shall we break for lunch now?

ZERG CAMPAIGN: MISSION 1 (AMONG THE RUINS)

[The Overmind appears in Mission Briefing Slot 1.]

Overmind: Awaken, my child, and embrace the glory that –

[The Overmind's eyeball falls out.]

Overmind: Dammit!

ZERG CAMPAIGN: MISSION 7 (THE CULLING)

[Infested Kerrigan appears in Mission Briefing Slot 1.]

Infested Kerrigan: Insufferable Protoss coward! He cannot evade my wrath forever. I shall find him and cut him to pieces!

[Tassadar appears in another Mission Briefing Slot.]

Tassadar: Oh, no you won't!

Infested Kerrigan: Oh, yes I will!

Tassadar: Oh, no you won't!

Infested Kerrigan: Oh, yes I will! You can't escape me!

Tassadar: Can too!

Infested Kerrigan: Cannot!

Tassadar: Can too!

Infested Kerrigan: Cannot!

Tassadar: Can too, so there! Nyah nyah nyah nyah! [He blows a raspberry.]

[Infested Kerrigan scowls, and looks sulky.]

Infested Kerrigan [under breath]: Cannot.

Tassadar: Can _too_!

Infested Kerrigan: _Cannot_!

Tassadar: _Can too_!

Director [O/S]: Cut!

ZERG CAMPAIGN: MISSION 8 (EYE FOR AN EYE)

[One of the Protoss Nexii is destroyed.]

Infested Kerrigan: Once again, I grow tired of slaughtering your servants. Have the mighty Templar lost their infallible courage?

Zeratul: Well spoken, Cucumber of the Zerg. 

[Pause – laughter in background. Zeratul looks puzzled.] 

Zeratul: What? What'd I say? That's right, isn't it? 

[Infested Kerrigan joins in with the laughter as Zeratul looks at the script.]

Zeratul: Oh, _Concubine_, right. Right. Boy, do I feel stupid …

MISCELLANEOUS BLOOPERS

**Blooper 1: **

[A Tank rolls downhill, out of control, with lots of people chasing after it.]

Tank Master Sergeant: Waaaaahh! Mommmyyy! Save meeeee!

**Blooper 2: **

[A Goliath takes three or four steps, trips over a rock, and topples over.]

Goliath [muffled]: Can someone help me up, please?

**Blooper 3:**

[A Wraith is struggling to get out of the cockpit. He's wedged tightly.]

Wraith Pilot: Uh, a little help? I think I'm stuck!

**Blooper 4:**

[A bunch of Marines are mixing it up with some Zerg. Suddenly, the visor of a Marine's helmet falls down, obscuring his view.]

Marine: Help! I can't see!

[He starts stumbling around, trying to lift his visor back up, then he walks straight into an iron pillar and falls out of the shot.]

**Blooper 5:**

[Raynor's Vulture skims across the landscape, accompanied by two other Vultures. Suddenly one of the wheels falls off – Raynor climbs out, looking embarrassed, to the accompaniment of laughing.]

**Blooper 6:**

[A Dragoon starts walking, but its legs get tangled up and it falls over.]

**Blooper 7:**

[A Dropship has just been created, and the pilot says, "Can I take your order?" but then she bursts into giggles.

Dropship: Sorry! [Stops laughing.] Sorry, okay, I'm fine now.

**Blooper 8:**

[The Dropship pilot tries again.]

Dropship: Can I take your order? Ha ha ha ha ha!

**Blooper 9:**

[And again…]

Dropship: Can I take – bwah ha ha ha _ha_! _Ah_ ha ha ha ha!

**Blooper 10:**

[The Dropship pilot carries on screaming with hysterical laughter.

Director [O/S]: Cut! Okay, Billie-Jo, take a break. We'll try this again later.

**Blooper 11:**

[Two Zerglings rush at a Protoss Zealot from opposite directions.]

Zealot: Hey, is that a quarter?

[He bends down to pick up the coin; the Zerglings miss him and collide with each other instead, knocking each other out.]

**Blooper 12:**

[At a Zerg Hive, an Egg bursts open to reveal an SCV.]

SCV: SCV good to go, sir! Whoops, wrong campaign …

[It looks sheepish and edges away nonchalantly.]

**Blooper 13:**

[An SCV wanders around, gathering minerals – someone has put a note on the back, which reads, "Infest Me!" It hears laughter, and turns round.]

SCV: What? What? What's so funny? Did someone put a note on my back again?

BEHIND THE SCENES!

[In the studio, a Defiler is reading a copy of _Playzerg_. He nudges his companion, a Hydralisk, and the Hydralisk looks too.]

Defiler: Get a load of the mandibles on that one, hey, Ksjsgr'trg? 

[Hydralisk drools in agreement.]

*

[A Ghost and an SCV are talking to the Science Vessel android. 

Ghost: Hey, you know what? You sound just like that guy from _The Simpsons_! 

SCV: Yeah, that's right – like you know, what's-his-name, the one who owns the nuclear power plant!

Science Vessel Android: You have _no idea_ how often I get told that.

*

[A Firebat is showing off to an SCV.]

Firebat [getting out flamethrower]: Hey, man, check this out!

SCV: You know, I don't think that's such a good idea…

[The Firebat fires at a piece of scenery, but misses, and the scenery falls over on top of him.]

Firebat [muffled]: Ow!

SCV: Told you.

*

[Lt Kerrigan is talking to a Zerg Queen]

Kerrigan: You think your costume's bad, darling? Wait till you see what I've got to wear in the Zerg Chapter… talk about a bad hair day. And you don't even want to know about the make-up.

*

[A Marine, a Zergling and a Protoss Probe are talking.]

Marine: So, are you working on any other projects at the moment? 

Zergling: Nah. They cancelled Alien 5. 

Marine: Bummer. I loved those films. 

Probe: Well, I've just got a job in a toothpaste commercial. 

Zergling: Neat. Colgate or Aquafresh? 

Probe: Actually, it's a new brand. It's called Minty White Tooth Goop. I say, "Hey guys, look at me – I don't have any teeth. Of course, I'm a Probe, but even you Terrans will end up looking like me unless you brush twice a day using new Minty White Tooth Goop! Available in drugstores across the galaxy." I'll get you guys some free samples.

*

[Arcturus is leaning against a wall, chatting to one of the Zerg Cerebrates.]

Arcturus: So what's it like, being a big pile of squidgy goop?

Cerebrate: Not bad. Not bad. But you don't get many parts in period costume dramas.

Arcturus: I can imagine.

*

[Kerrigan is in Makeup, halfway through being transformed into Infested Kerrigan.]

Kerrigan: My hair's a mess.

Make-up Artist: That's the idea.

Kerrigan: And what's with all the green make-up? I prefer a more natural look. And could that costume be any more revealing?

Make-up Artist: Probably. But they'd have had to slap an R rating on the whole project, and that would be a real shame.

*

[A High Templar and a Dark Templar are talking about their careers on TV.]

High Templar: And then I got a walk-on part in _Friends_…

Dark Templar: Cool. I appeared on _Star Trek_ once.

High Templar: Yeah, me too.

Arbiter: Me too!

Archon: Me three!

Aldaris: Been there, done that.

Dark Templar: Anyone here who hasn't been on _Star Trek_?

[Silence.]

Dark Templar: That's what I thought.


End file.
